Good morning House of Madness animal lovers:
In a world filled with so much hate, it's definitely better to be kind; if you disagree, then the consequences could be dire.
A Humane Society
"Ugh, mmph" Cam grunted, as those were all the words he could muster after yet another night down at Pete's bar. His hangover felt like he had three jet fighters shooting down the Empire State Building inside his head, his gut felt like it had been used by Mike Tyson in a one-sided game of 'breadbasket beatdown', and the inside of his mouth tasted something like a cross between dirty feet, and spoiled lunch meat. It would most likely be a lot harder to tolerate his self inflicted maladies had he not dealt with them on a daily basis, so today was no special occasion……or so Cam thought.
"Get the fuck outta my way!" Cam screamed, as he took a kick at his dog Diesel, who quickly darted to Cam's left, rendering him off balance. "Why don't YOU go fuck yourself, asshole?" someone said from behind Cam. "Who's there!? Who said that!?" "I did, motherfucker, and I meant every word of it.". Cam spun around, but the only thing there was Diesel, and Diesel's a fucking dog, so it couldn't have been hi……"Whatchoo lookin at bitch? Ain't never heard a dog talk before?" Diesel undeniably said. "What in the actual FUCK!?" Cam exclaimed, and before he could continue, his cat Spike walked in and blurted out "What's all the fuckin racket coming from in here, can't a cat get a moment's fucking peace!?" Cam stood between the two animals, frozen in place, still unable to accept or comprehend what he was seeing and hearing. "Who's doing this? Joke's over, you can come out now!" Cam said with a shaky voice. "Oh, nobody is doing anything Cam, oh horrible master, deliverer of more drunken kicks than your favourite Raider Sebastian Janikowski. You see, Spike and I have had just about enough of your abuse, and today it's our turn." Diesel said flatly. "Your turn to what!? I house you, feed you, and walk you!" Cam said without confidence. "Hahahahahaha! You leave us outside in the rain, feed us whenever you remember to, and your idea of a walk is punting me down the hallway!" Spike said, and the two pets slowly crept towards Cam as he backed further and further down the hallway.
Cam was able to make his way into his daughter's room and close the door just before his new enemies were upon him. "Whatcha gonna do now, you stupid fucks, use your hands to open the door!? Hahahaha!" Cam boasted crazily to the back of his daughter Samantha's door. Too bad Samantha was with her mother this weekend, as she'd never believe what Cam was seeing, or especially, hearing. "Probably just my hangover fuckin with my head" Cam whispered to himself. "Nah, we're not the result of your hangover, Master, we've just had enough, and now it's our turn!" Diesel exclaimed. "Your turn to WHAT, exactly?" Cam said cockily now that a solid maple door stood between him and the animals. "Oh, nothing much, you know, we're just going to kill you, Master." Cam looked around the room in a panic, looking for a weapon and a means of escape; it's too bad he caught Samantha sneaking out that one night, or her window wouldn't be secured shut with enough nails to solidify the fucking Titanic, and there's no way he's breaking the glass because of a stupid dog, and an idiot cat. Cam would simply lie down and wait this nightmare out, and if he was lucky, he'd wake up to this all being nothing more than a dream.
Cam woke up hours later, but just how many he couldn't be sure as it was still light outside. "Hello!?" Cam yelled out into the empty bedroom. "Diesel!? Spike!? You still out there? Can you still talk?" Cam inquired to the bedroom door. Silence. "Just a dream." Cam said to himself, and as he got up out of his daughter's bed to head back to the kitchen, he heard "Surprise motherfucker!" over his left shoulder as Samantha's pet Tarantula Jake jumped onto his neck and sunk his fangs in, and the last thing Cam saw before the lights went out forever, was the bedroom door opening, and paws dancing towards him.
NB
