Good morning House of Madness residents:
Sorry the HoM isn't as hopping as it once was in the past, but we've been going through some heavy renovations, and these bloodstains in the carpets are a real bitch. In between projects we're still watching lots of terrifying content, and said content will be transferred from our brains onto this forum via osmosis as time permits. In the meantime, please feel free to scour the Attic of Madness for many reviews, stories, lists, and zombie dismemberment tips at your leisure.
Speaking of zombies, in a world that feels oversaturated (to put it politely) with stories of the living dead, I somehow had an inkling that "We Bury the Dead" would be different, and we would get a fresh take on a genre screaming from the hilltops to leave it the fuck alone, and to let it rot for a little while as it simmers back into relevance. As a person with a keen eye, and a knack for spotting a gem in the mountains of peril, let me tell you that I was way off on this one, and am now seriously questioning my super abilities.
An accidental nuclear event has ravished all of Tasmania, and the death toll is catastrophically gargantuan. As the rest of the world turns on their TV sets, their eyes are met with stories and images of complete horror, and the government is wasting no time in asking for their assistance in retrieving and helping dispose of bodies. Thousands of people are eager to help during such a time of crisis, but nobody is more Hell bent on getting there than Ava (Daisy Ridley), whose husband happened to be on the island for a work conference during the devastation, and is determined to find him one way or the other in order to get closure. Upon arriving to Tasmania, Ava has her sights set on the little resort where her husband was last known to be, but there are a couple of tiny hiccups; firstly, the region in which her husband was last seen is restricted because of heavy fires, and secondly, for some reason a small percentage of the dead seem to be re-animating instead of just accepting their newfound fate as empty corpses. Why can't people just stay dead, for fuck's sake!?
As Ava tries to cope with her impossible situation, she powers on and begins helping with the body bagging gig she's been assigned with her partner Clay (Brenton Thwaites), and the two of them form an eye-rolling bond absolutely nobody saw coming without the aid of superhuman powers, and the gift of telekinesis from an alien species handing out abilities as part of their community service requirements set out by probation officers. As they're clearing corpses at a world record pace, Clay stumbles across a motorcycle and exclaims his heartfelt desire to take it for a long drive. What a coincidence, Ava also wants to go on a long ride, and now they have the means AND the motive!
The two pals easily sneak past the hundreds of other people in their vicinity, and are off on a fresh new adventure to satisfy Ava's need for closure, and Clay's lust for boring motorcycle rides through mazes of abandoned cars and lost highways. Can you tell I've already passed the point where my brain stopped watching this film and began counting ceiling tiles in the empty theater I sat in?*
"We Bury the Dead" isn't rancid or complete filth, it's just simply boring. With plenty of beautiful cinematography, more than adequate performances, and a plot that sounded exciting, the film simply chose the path of least interest and left me feeling flat, especially once I learned of Ava's true dilemma, and questioned why she bothered to go there at all upon my discovering this. All in all, what seemed like an easy 94 minute trek into mindless zombie gazing, ended up feeling like 94 hours of watching a corpse rot in real time.
Madness Meter: 5/10
NB
*1457
