Good afternoon, House of Madness residents:
How many times in your life have you watched a film, and when the credits roll, you say "That's the worst movie I've ever seen!"? Countless, right? "Battlefield Earth", awful. "Lady in the Water", atrocious. "Jeepers Creepers 3", what the fuck were they thinking!? The list is practically endless with some of the filth we've been shoveled, but when it comes to the absolute worst, we may have a new front-runner.
"Bad Things" revolves around a woman named Ruthie (Gayle Rankin) who inherits a hotel from her grandmother, and she and her three friends Maddie (Rad Pereira), Fran (Annabelle Dexter-Jones), and Cal (Hari Nef) head there for a weekend getaway. And that's it. That's the entire flick in a nutshell. Nothing happens, unless you count the incessant blathering of four nitwits as entertainment, that is. Characters do idiotic things for absolutely zero reason, conversations are filled with eye-rolling monotony, and the hotel itself looks about as menacing as a poodle in a pigpen. At no point do we give a flying shit about a single one of these ladies, and when the film tries to ramp up any tension, it's always immediately followed by us scratching our heads and saying "Wait, what?". They even threw in a character played by Molly Ringwald for redeeming effect, and all her character did to add to the story was act well, which is more than you could say for everyone else in this film.
Now, it may seem like I'm enjoying myself ripping this pile of shit to shreds, but I'm honestly not; a lot of work goes into making a film and people are proud of what they make, but at the same time I spent 86 minutes (I started looking at my watch at the twelve minute mark) of my precious time watching something with absolutely zero redeeming qualities. From when the film began, until it finally ended, nothing, and I mean nothing of any substance transpires on-screen, and when they attempt anything remotely close to something happening, it makes no sense, and comes across as downright pretentious with how their efforts are made to be some kind of a brilliant ploy at a mind fuck - I've experienced better attempts at such in a Happy Meal. Avoid at all costs.
Madness Meter: 1.8/10
NB
