Goof afternoon, House of Madness horror addicts:
Everyone has at least one friend that isnt necessarily an outright liar, but embellishes the shit out of everything that spews out of their mouths. When they tell a story, the entertainment value is off the fuckin charts, but the validity of the so-called facts escaping their mouths aren't just to be taken with a grain of salt, you'd need an entire salt lick just to attempt a balance of the scales between truth and exaggeration. That time your buddy fought their way through a warehouse of 10 thugs using only car keys as a method of defense? Yeah, the story they're actually describing is the time they got chased out of Walmart for stealing batteries, and ran to the parking lot where they escaped in their mom's Pontiac Sunfire. The time that friend drank 24 beers and didn't even get sick, is actually the weekend at your cottage where they locked themselves in their car for 2 hours, and upon exiting ate a $50 steak with nothing but a fork, as meat juices poured down their chin while everyone else watched in uncomfortable awe. And of course there's always the guy that says he's been with countless women, when in fact the closest his privates have ever been to another human being was that time he fell off the swingset, and the girl on the teetertotter saw his ass as he tried to get all the sand out of his crack. Sometimes it's best just to let people live in their own little fantasy world of fictitious half truths, simply because they're not hurting anyone, and the versions of life's happenings through their eyes are much more colorful and entertaining for newcomers to the tall tales, so why not just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is exactly how I felt when I first read the compendium for "Cocaine Bear". Not only did I initially find such an idea absurd to the umpteenth degree, but I almost felt resentment towards the ridiculous premise of a killer bear hopped up on enough cocaine to keep the entire cast (past and present) of "Saturday Night Live" at bay. After my initial reaction to the project, I decided to read the actual synopsis in full, and dug a little deeper into the inspiration behind this insane idea. Much to my surprise, it's very loosely based on the incident of a 1985 drug dealer's plane crash, and the insanity that ensued after much of his product was consumed by a black bear. Holy shit! Now, do I want to go back into the internet archives and find out the actual story told through the accounts of a boring journalist, or would I rather go to the movies and experience the story told through exaggerated minds that only care about making a distorted memory into an adventure for the ages? Go ahead and sit beside the guy explaining how he was able to invest his money wisely in business stocks, I'm gonna go sit with the guy that claims he got rich by robbing cartels with nothing but a pocket knife and two sticks of butter; afterall, a story is only as good as the person telling it, and I don't give a fuck about their sources. Bring on the "Cocaine Bear"!!!
"Cocaine Bear" hits theatres February 24th, 2023.
NB
