Good afternoon, House of Madness aliens:
A trip down Memory Lane can lead us down winding corridors, hidden passageways, bottomless stairwells, and twisting tunnels into the realm of our past which has been captured for us to revisit with the simple closing of our eyes. How fun would shitting in a bag and lighting it ablaze, while Mr. Rankin stomped it out in his favourite slippers as you secretly watched in the shadows with friends have actually been, if you couldn't recall the memory at any time and laugh yourself into oblivion? The time your friend drank so much that he puked all down the front of himself, before deciding his front lawn was an adequate place to spend the night. If you didn't have the ability to revisit his embarrassing ability to hold his booze, did it even really happen? What about the time you stole your parents's car with your best pal while they were watching the news, and took it for a joyride around the block and returned it with them none the wiser? If the ability to look back and remember cherished memories didn't exist, I'd question the motives of doing anything at all, even more than I'm now questioning my choice in friends after this little reconciliation of retro tomfoolery. Well, if we didn't have memories, we'd at least have DVD's, and my 4K Ultra HD copy of "Event Horizon" arrived the other day; not only did it bring back a galaxy full of fond memories, watching it in such high definition blew my nipples completely off my chest. Luckily we keep Gorilla Glue in the house at all times, so my nips are back in place and providing the uselessness they've always delivered, so please stop your worrying.
If you've never seen "Event Horizon", firstly, how the fuck did that happen, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Secondly, please refer to firstly. OK, now that we've all agreed that you've made a horrible mistake, let's move on and erase that memory by replacing it with a new one; that's the real beauty of film: a memory lost, forgotten, or never having existed can be rectified with ease, and often in the comforts of your own home.
Captain Miller (Laurence Fishburne) has a mission, and it seems simple enough: locate and salvage a ship called the 'Event Horizon' that mysteriously disappeared 7 years ago, and has now resurfaced from an unknown voyage into God knows where. Along with Miller's familiar crew is Dr. Weir (Sam Neill), the man responsible for creating the 'Event Horizon', along with discovering the ability for it to cross dimensions, leading it into uncharted territory. As they approach the long-lost spacecraft, their own vessel known as the 'Lewis and Clark' takes significant damage, and they're forced to board the 'Event Horizon' while Cooper (Richard T. Jones) and Smith (Sean Pertwee) are tasked with the repairs before their oxygen is depleted. As soon as they board the new ship, it's obvious that something is wrong, and this ship has been to Hell and back, only they haven't yet realized that in this case Hell isn't a metaphor for something awful, it's a term that feels like it's contextually accurate.
The deeper the crew delves into the unknown secrets and personality of the 'Event Horizon', the more the ship reverses the role of being explored, and seems to be able to read their deepest secrets, memories, and especially fears. The harder they try to suppress their memories, the more the ship exposes them, and uses them as a weapon to manipulate their minds, and carry on its mission to deliver them all to Hell where their true fates await. As they all try and cope with their exposed inner secrets, there's still a ship that needs repairing, a doctor with ulterior motives that need explaining, and a world full of real memories that need reuniting. The question is, once you've been to Hell, can you forget the memories of madness you've amassed, or will they always be on the horizon salivating for reminiscence? One can only hope of never experiencing such an event, as I'm sure Mr. Rankin did too.
Madness Meter: 8.3/10
NB
