Good morning, House of Madness residents:
First off, let me get this out of the way: I know this film isn't a horror movie, but since it was written by the almighty Stephen King, it is exempt from all genre barriers, and I'm free to review it as I please as per the Stephen King Code of Literary Freedoms (better known as the SKCLF). Now that we have that out of the way, I will also share the fact that like many of you, I am very much at the point of seeing a trailer for a remake or a reboot, and immediately feel the urge to sling profanities at my television while screaming "WHY!? WHY!?" to nobody in particular as if possessed by Nancy Kerrigan. In some instances though, if the material at hand is something close to your heart, exceptions can be made, and having another go at one of your favourite stories can seem like a good idea; I mean, how can you possibly fuck up an action story full of characters and plot lines every film director has wet dreams of? Well, somehow Edgar Wright found a way.
Ben Richards (Glen Powell) is a very down-on-his-luck blue collar family man, black listed from the union for standing up for his fellow coworkers. Money isn't just tight for him and his family, it's practically non-existent, and to top matters off, his daughter is incredibly sick with hefty medical bills that aren't going to pay themselves. Crawling back to his former employer didn't work, and having his wife work triple shifts as a cocktail waitress isn't bringing them any closer to 'Freedom 55' either. As the world screams its prophecies, so do the television sets in every home across America, quenching everyone's thirst for reality TV with massive payouts, and even bigger consequences.
Enter "The Running Man", a reality TV show based on the ultimate survivor, where three contestants vie for their lives as they're hunted by professional hit men for 30 days. The rules are simple: each contestant is given a 12 hour head start to use as they please, and if they can survive for 30 days without being blown into smithereens, they win one billion dollars. Easy peasy. While they're trying to survive, they will not only have to thwart their hunters, but also avoid the public eye, as handsome rewards are dangled and offered to entice reported sightings, resulting in massive rewards for the average Joe just for watching television.
I know what you're thinking, and it's the same thing I thought when I heard they were rebooting one of my all-time Arnie favourites, "No way they can fuck THIS up, right?". Well, where there's a will, there's a way as they say, and they somehow managed to make pizza taste like a peanut butter and ass sandwich. All the ingredients were there, and I brought my easy to satisfy appetite, but the meal I was prepared for was overcooked and lacked heart. The first go-round, we were treated with colorful characters, unique deaths, and some of the best one-liners that would garner the admiration of Don Rickles ("Killian, here is Sub Zero, now just Plain Zero!"), yet what we're force fed this time are empty, soulless cardboard characters that are forgotten before they're even introduced. The first one was just as much about the antagonists and their flair as it was about the guy we're rooting for, and that's what made it so special, whereas this adaptation completely disregards our imaginations, and hopes "I'm still here, shit eaters!" will be remembered as an all-time line, when it's really just as simple and bland as the script it was written for.
Madness Meter: 4.7/10
NB
