Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

Good afternoon, House of Madness residents:

Do you ever worry about the android apocalypse? You know, the day the computers and robots take over the world, and wipe out humanity. If said day were to happen, would you consider yourself prepared to deal with the world's newfound leaders, or would you be one of the first to offer up yourself to your new masters, and serve their purpose? If you answered the second one, I hope this day never comes, and if it does, I hope the robots eat your face from the outside in.

A down on his luck security guard named Mike (Josh Hutcherson) has been fired from yet another job, leaving himself unemployed while he tries to support himself and his young sister Abby (Piper Rubio). Before long, he's offered a job at a local rundown pizza parlour named 'Freddy Fazbear's', that has been closed for decades, yet the owner can't bear (pun intended) to tear it down. The job is simple, just keep people out, and keep the place tidy; easy as pie, right? After some questionable happenings the first couple of nights, Mike finds himself having to bring Abby to work with him, as his sitter has seemingly vanished into thin air, and he can't leave her at home to fend for herself at her young age. As his shift drags on, Mike falls asleep, only to wake from the sound of Abby's screaming, yet her screams aren't derived from fear or peril, they're screams of glee as she has seemingly brought the mechanical animals to life. Do the furry, cute robots just want to be Abby's friend, or is there a hidden secret agenda going on behind the scenes that Mike isn't privy to? One thing is for sure, something strange and bizarre is happening, and Mike needs to find out why, and fast.

 "Five Nights at Freddy's" has been around for almost a decade, with the video game and media franchise swimming in success, and followed by millions. Perhaps that's why I'm thinking it's more of a niche film, as I found the story to be quite silly, with the subplot of the 'Evil Aunt' to be downright ludicrous. If you're into the storyline of evil, mechanical robots coming to life and wreaking havoc, I'd recommend watching "Willy's Wonderland" instead - sure, I'm guessing they stole the premise from "FNAF", but "Willy's Wonderland" did it much better, (although not to suggest that's an uphill battle versus this goofy mess of a film). Even though I tried my best to like "FNAF" for my good buddy Jaxson, I just couldn't muster the courage to not tell him the truth about how I really felt about the film. Perhaps I should try one of the video games first, and then give it another go. Oh well, sorry Jax.

Madness Meter: 4.6/10

NB