Good afternoon, House of Madness banshees:
The end of 2022 is nigh, and it's been another tough year for humanity. From Covid, mass school shootings, an unpredictable economy, and the seemingly everlasting threat of WWIII, everyday life has certainly been challenging for all of us. Thankfully 2022 has also been a year that has been very kind to horror fanatics, with some absolute gore infested, mind bending, vomit inducing, blood sucking maniacal mayhem to keep our minds off the real horrors lurking in the world beyond our television screens. All of us here, trapped inside the House of Madness have compared bloody notes, pages, and notebooks filled with our favourite titles of 2022, and have narrowed it down to a list of ten, compiled from our demented brains ghoulishly working together in unison. As with any list, this one is sure to rattle a few bones, and create some mild controversy, but let me say this: Everyone here inside the House of Madness stands behind our list of terrifying tales, and if anyone dares to disagree, may the gods unleash their fury upon you like the crashing of 1000 waves, tethering you to dismembered limbs being devoured by......*ahem*, Sorry. We hope you like it.
10. "Old Man" There's just something about the feeling of unease you experience all the way through this film until the 'big reveal', that it just wouldn't be right to leave it out of our top ten, as it deserves to be appreciated more than the masses have shown. Stephen Lang is always a treat.
9. "Deadstream" A fun and enjoyable trip that deliveres real scares when you least expect them. This was a fun watch, and most certainly stands out in the 'found footage' genre. Bravo to all involved.
8. "Prey" Who knew that a franchise with endless sequels, spinoffs, and cross-franchising antagonists could still have anything left in the tank? Not only did it prove to have a hidden reserve of "Predator" petrol, it delivered a fresh take on an idea that has been buried in atrophy for years. Amber Midthunder is badass.
7. "The Sadness" If you were like me and thought zombie movies were dead to the point of never coming back to life, you and I couldn't have been more wrong. The over-the-top gore and carnage is a satisfying treat for the soul, reminding us that zombies are here to stay. I realize this is 'technically' from 2021, but it didn't receive a North American release until 2022. So THERE.
6. "Violent Night" I was happy to eat crow on this Christmas movie, as it did a much better job bringing me into the Christmas horror spirit than any amount of ghosts from my past could have. Laughs and guts abound, David Harbour hit this one out of the holiday park.
5. "Speak No Evil" No time is wasted making us squirm in our seats with the feeling of imminent dread in this one. We know it's coming, but just how bad is what's coming? It's worse, much worse than our imaginations can predict without the help of a tainted soul lying within.
4. "Terrifier 2" When I first learned that the run time on this exceeded 120 minutes, I had my doubts, as I assumed it would drag on past the point of enjoyment. Nope! I absolutely loved every blood soaked minute of this gore-fest, and Art the Clown has quickly accelerated up the ladder of a leading lunatic, proving that coadjutor just won't do ever again.
3. "X" Nothing says horror like a 70's throwback with sex, gore, and slashingly delicious violence. Did I mention sex? This film captured everything it strived to, from the time period to the on screen atmosphere. A true horror treat.
2. "The Black Phone" I give extra props here, because with how much I loved 2012's "Sinister", my expectations were through the Roof of Madness, and it still exceeded my drooling hopes. It really says something to me when you envision something on a pedestal, and it gives you a high five on its way up as you admire its innocuous climb into greatness.
1. "Barbarian" I had zero idea about the plot or what I was in for when I first saw this, and the only regret I have is I'll never be able to watch it again with unknowing eyes. It's almost two separate movies that meet in the middle; both tried to one-up each other in quality, and the victor was clearly the audience. An instant classic that I will revisit over and over, trying to relive the emotions I felt on my first viewing.
There you have it, folks. The House of Madness top 10 horror movies of 2022. Let's hope 2023 'brings it' as hard as 2022 did, or else next year I could be writing boring articles about crocheting or Faberge eggs, and I'll never be ready to live in a house that mad.
NB
