Good afternoon, House of Madness chums:
Sometimes even when you think you know what you're getting yourself into, things can throw you a curveball that would leave Pedro Cerrano weak in the knees. Every time you order pizza that resembles somewhat edible cardboard because it's cheap, that paper-like pie can still shock your tastebuds with how truly awful it really is. You knew ordering a smart watch off of Wish.com wasn't going to earn you any accolades in the brains department, but when it actually arrives and the only thing smart about it is its packaging, perhaps you've underestimated just how disappointed you can actually get. When it came to "Meg 2: The Trench", even a seasoned bad movie veteran like myself was caught off-guard, and I wasn't prepared for the rotten chum being served in gigantic portions.
Jonas Taylor (Jason Stathum) is back, and doing whatever he can to help mankind's plight against aquatic evil. After thwarting an underground ring of toxic chemical dumpers (those bastards!), Jonas must next focus his energy on exploring the deep trenches of the ocean, where megalodons are rampant, and who knows what else lurks 25,000 miles below sea-level. As Jonas and his team of horrible one-liners and questionable acting prowess head deep into the depths, they come across a malevolent secret mining rig that is most assuredly up to no good. Wait, isn't this movie supposed to be about sharks? After a lengthy introduction into the film, the sharks I came to see have been receiving less air-time than Denzel Washington in "Training Day", however I absolutely promise you there will be no Oscars handed out for this film.
After far too much time dealing with a plot absolutely nobody came to see, we finally get into the action and it's time for sharks. I saw the original film, so I knew I wasn't going to be treated to an enthralling tale capable of rivaling "Jaws", but I figured with the clout Stathum has in Hollywood, perhaps it would warrant a silly, yet entertaining piece of filmmaking rather than the gigantic piece of something else we're treated to. You name a cliche, this film has it. Eye-rolling one-liners? It's got you covered. Over-the-top scenes where everything falls perfectly into place for the main characters, and you know they don't have the balls to kill any of them off? This is your flick.
I definitely thought I knew what I was getting myself into with "Meg 2: The Trench", but I must admit I wasn't ready for the absolute clown show I was presented with. This film may have some redeeming quality of being so stupid it's good to some, but for myself I expected a little more campy adventure versus the slop I was expected to lap up and applaud. If there's a third installment in the works, I'm gonna head down current and catch a different wave of shark movie, because this franchise really bites, and I won't be mega-fooled again.
Madness Meter: 4.3/10
NB
