Good morning, House of Madness criminals:
So many times we've been told "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is". For Frank and Ben, this saying is all too real, and they're about to learn a lesson for the ages. As always, I hope you enjoy!
Payload
"Well, that was easy!" Frank said as he crawled out of the vent in the main hall of the museum, "Almost too easy" Ben replied as he dusted himself off. "You sure we don't have to worry about alarms or security guards? Seems strange a joint like this doesn't have a security system." Ben said in disbelief. "I've been scoping this place for three months, Ben, and other than the locks on the doors, there's nada. Besides, we're in now, so let's grab what we came for, and get the fuck outta Dodge." Frank said sternly, and the two set out into the museum to collect their earnings. "This place gives me the creeps" Ben said, which was immediately followed by Frank scolding "Don't be such a fuckin pussy, shit-for-brains, I know exactly where the diamonds are; we just gotta grab 'em, and head back out the vent shaft we came in. Whole operation will be over in less than twenty minutes, and nobody will be the wiser until morning. Now get your sack ready, it's just up in this next room.".
As the two criminals walked in the room labeled 'World of Gems', their breath was taken away by the sheer beauty of the room. The floor was ensconced in velvet, the high ceiling looked as if it were made of solid gold, and the jewels within the walls gleamed and shimmered like the sunlight on a calm lake. "Hoooooooooly shit!" Ben exclaimed into the empty room, and was a little startled when his words echoed back at him softly. Frank, however, was all business and simply said "Let's get the diamonds, head over and grab the painting, and get the fuck outta here.". Ben made no argument, and headed over to the display case where the diamonds sparkled with an almost wanting desire to be taken, but something felt a little 'off'. The sooner Ben got out of here, the better; unfortunately for him and Frank, that was never going to happen.
As Ben filled his satchel with diamonds, Frank kept a lookout for anything unexpected - he may have been casing this place for months, but in this line of work you just never know what to expect. "I think that's all of 'em." Ben said, and with that the two men were off in search of their next prize. As they exited 'World of Gems' and were passing through 'Birds of Prey', they both ogled over the stuffed birds that were scattered around the room. Some were perched on branches while others were given the illusion of flying in mid-air as if they were about to score their next meal. "Did you see that!?" Ben shrieked. "See what?" Frank said with annoyance. "I swear that bird's head moved." Ben said with more than a hint of fear. "Your mind is just fucking with you, now let's get to that painting, it's in the next room." Frank said a little unsteadily himself, and the next room was even more bone chilling than the last.
The two men gaped in awe as they entered 'Portrait Palace' and were overwhelmed by the vast collection of paintings on display. "Looks a lot different in this light and with nobody else around" Frank said absently. "Anyways, no time for gawking, let's grab what we came for and move out; we've already been here too long for my liking". Ben didn't oppose this idea in the slightest. Once the painting was secured, the two thieves headed back the way they came when they were suddenly attacked by something. "Was that a fucking eagle!?" Ben shouted, and before Frank could answer him, a giant condor descended upon his head, ripping much of his face into bloody shreds with its talons. Soon, buzzards and oversized ravens were upon Frank, and his blood curdling screams did nothing more than attract more predators to aid in his demise. As all this was happening, Ben stood in place in disbelief, unable to move a muscle as he watched his partner being mutilated alive. Before the winged assassins could turn their attention on him, Ben finally mustered the courage to turn and run, but Frank was the one familiar with the museum, and Ben quickly found himself overstimulated and running in circles. Finally Ben stumbled through a door and quickly shut it behind him in order to keep the birds at bay. As he turned around to survey the room, he couldn't believe his eyes when he read the sign 'The Armory' and realized he was in a room with about fifty suits of armor, each one appearing to be looking directly at him with sinister intentions. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck." was all Ben could say.
As Ben crept slowly through the room, he could swear the knight's heads were following his movements, yet none attacked - for the moment. The next door was about one hundred feet dead ahead, but it might as well have been a thousand if any of these suits decided it was time to play. Ever so slowly Ben crept along, one step at a time, focused on nothing but the door ahead. As if on cue, he saw movement to his left, and then his right, and then all of the knights were around him, circling him like he was participating in some ancient ritual. As three knights made their move, Ben dodged quickly to his left and then bolted for the gap the knights left when they charged in, and headed straight for the door. The door stuck slightly, and as Ben finally shouldered it open, a battle axe grazed his jacket, tearing it completely off his body like the cellophane wrapper on a piece of processed cheese. Ben quickly slammed the door shut, and his eyes welled up with tears of ecstacy as he saw the red letters lit up spelling 'EXIT' about fifty feet in front of him. Without looking, Ben ran for the exit, but before he could reach his destination, he tripped over a sign that was standing in the middle of the room like all the others, and as he cursed and tried to untangle his feet from the velvet ropes, he had time to read the sign labeled 'I Want My Mummy', and then they were upon him.
NB
