Good afternoon, House of Madness hikers:
Marriage is tough, and if you don't work as a team, it's downright impossible. Think you know how to load the dishwasher properly? Think again. Think you know how to fold hand towels and stack them perfectly in the linen closet? The fuck you do. Think you're an expert on anything in particular, anything at all? You don't know shit. For struggling couple Sofia (Carolina Gaitan) and husband Josh (Allan Hawco), things have gotten dire, and the two have finally agreed on one thing: divorce.
Before the two can make their divorce official, they're gifted a business opportunity in Colombia (where Sofia is originally from) from mutual friend Marcus (Sebastian Eslava). There's plenty of prep work which needs to be done before their big conference on Friday, but there's also plenty of time for leisure, so Marcus and Josh agree to go hiking the next day. As it turns out, Marcus can't get away from work, so Josh and Sofia decide to go hiking instead. Both are seasoned hikers, so a little day trip in the wilderness may do the ex-couple some good. As they're hiking, they're getting along about as well as Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd until a storm is seen in the distance, and the two finally agree on something and head back to their vehicle. Upon arriving back at their SUV, a man is attempting to break into it, and Josh decides to confront him, against Sofia's better judgment. The man pulls a gun, and Sofia and Josh run for their lives into the unknown forest.
As Sofia is running for her life, she accidentally runs right into a mud pit, which turns out to be far more menacing than a simple mud pit, and realizes she's stuck in a pool of quicksand. Josh hears her cries for help, and tries to pull her out with a stick, to no avail. Sofia begins to panic, becomes completely submerged, and now Josh has no choice but to jump in after her, lest she be gone forever. He does, and now instead of one person's impossible plight, we're witnessing two, and escape seems more improbable than the ceasing of my rolling eyes. Before we know it, we have inescapable quicksand, guns, snakes, ants, and all kinds of other obstacles thrown our way leading to an inevitable reunion of two jilted lovers we saw coming from 2.3 million miles away.
"Quicksand" is simply a cliché filled mess that keeps the surprises coming faster than a turtle on a treadmill, and always plays things safe, so there's never a real worry of anything truly bad happening. As much as the filmmakers wanted us to feel the couple's sense of dread, the only thing truly sinking for 90 minutes was my feigning interest, and I was more than happy to watch it sink, rather than try and pull it back up to the surface.
Madness Meter: 4.1/10
NB
