Good afternoon, House of Madness residents:
Life is a journey, but if you don't stop and smell the roses once in a while, you might not like what you see. As always, I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!
Rat Race
Derek Zoho did a double take as he read the advertisement for the cabin he was considering to rent. Everything he seemed to desire in his little getaway retreat was mentioned in the listing, almost as if he had written it himself. Secluded. Thick drapes to keep the sun out. Satellite television so he could enjoy the Broncos game on the Sunday in question. A kayak on a private lake where he could fish himself into oblivion at dusk and at dawn. The only thing more accommodating than the cabin itself and all of its amenities was the price, and he wasn't going to complain about shelling out $200 for the entire week. Surely there was an error in the print, he thought, but after responding to the ad, he quickly found out that there was no error indeed, and Derek quickly snapped up what he perceived to be the opportunity of a lifetime.
As Derek was getting close, he found himself envisioning a run down shack sitting above an overgrown bog, but he still remained optimistic simply because of the price. The one thing Derek had been adamant about, however, was the drapes, and as he pulled up the drive he could immediately see them fully covering the windows, keeping everything inside nice and secretive. The cabin looked just as it had in the pictures online, and the lake beyond was a silvery dream of bliss. As he entered the front door with the key under the doormat, the most wonderful setting he had ever seen welcomed him; the living room, kitchen, and dining area were all one entity, and the bedroom lay just beyond with more inviting darkness. "HO-LY FUCK!" Derek said into the darkness as his grin slowly transformed into an expression of orgasmic euphoria.
After bringing all of his things in from his modest little Subaru, Derek got to work quickly on ensuring he was indeed alone, and that there was no seeing in or out of any of the windows; even the kitchen window had dark drapes ensconcing its existence, which he found peculiar, yet welcoming. Derek quickly made himself a sandwich, as his idea of cooking started and ended with Uber Eats, and he wanted to get out on the kayak and fish just before sunset. Out in the wilderness the feeling of being out and about felt great to Derek, contrary to his city life where he lived in complete isolation. "They'll never find me way out here", Derek said to himself as he headed out the door, and experienced the outside world one final time.
After catching nothing more than what Derek called "an onion bag full of milk", he stepped back inside the cabin where he planned on watching a little ESPN before turning in for the night. After hearing the Browns still suck, the Yankees spent another $100 million dollars, and Kyrie Irving was unhappy again, Derek decided to turn off the tube and head to bed. All that was left of his nightly ritual was to scroll the daily news on his phone, maybe rip one off on Pornhub, and then it would be lights out, and in his newfound environment, that was a literal term. A few hours later he was awakened to some scurrying outside, and tried his best to ignore it, but to no avail. The longer Derek stared at the ceiling, the louder the little pitter patter of footsteps became outside his window, until he felt compelled to finally take a peek and have a look for himself. What he saw not only relieved him, but actually made him laugh, which he hadn't done in God knew how long; just outside his bedroom window running around on the deck were about a dozen mice, just randomly squeaking and manoeuvering with the elegance of a blind man in a house of mirrors. As Derek drifted back to sleep, he was once again pulled wide awake by the same sound, yet this time much more intense than the first. As he pulled the drape back again, this time he saw hundreds of mice rather than the dozen or so he had witnessed an hour earlier. "What the fuck are you doing out there!?" he yelled at the window, yet his new friends simply ran in circles bumping into each other and squealing like banshees at a peaceful moon. "This is fucked!" Derek said to himself, and plugged his headphones into his iPad and put on a flick he knew he'd quickly fall asleep to.
Morning came much sooner than Derek had anticipated according to his inner clock, but after the night he had, this came as no surprise. After a long stretch, Derek walked over to the window and peeked behind the drapes for the third time in the last few hours. Nothing. "I fucking knew it!" Derek said cockily to himself as he headed to the washroom for his morning piss and to brush his teeth. After flushing, Derek grabbed his toothbrush, and as he looked up into the mirror to inspect the bags under his eyes, he noticed some strange hair protruding from his ears that had never presented itself during his usual 'manscaping'. "Weird" Derek said to himself, but after ridding himself of his unwanted new hair, he didn't give it a second thought; after all, he had fish that were depending on him to be caught.
After another unsuccessful fishing session, Derek headed back inside to make himself a nice ham & cheese sandwich (which he had been feverishly thinking about devouring since hour two of his frivolous fishing attempt). As he opened the fridge, about two dozen mice came flopping out, and any hopes at lunch or dinner had been thwarted by his new furry little friends. As he screamed in frustration, Derek bit his lower lip and didn't just draw blood, but seemed to open an endlessly flowing river from his mouth. He scrambled to the bathroom, and behind all the blood he could see that his two front teeth were somehow different, almost longer and sharper than they had been before. "I'm losing my f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fucking mind" Derek said with a voice he'd swear was higher pitched than normal as well, and headed straight for the couch where he intended to sleep until all this bullshit had passed.
When Derek finally awoke a few hours later, he twitched his nose a few times before he considered himself back to normal. He saw a small piece of cheese sitting on the counter, and quickly nibbled it down with two hands before he decided to head back to the bathroom to wash his face. As he gripped the sink tightly with his claws, Derek once again looked up into the mirror, but this time the face that returned his gaze was not that of a human, but of a rat, and Derek squeaked with glee as all of his family surrounded him, welcoming him home with their eager, stampeding paws.
NB
