Good morning, House of Madness riders:
When it comes to revenge, do you play the short game, or the long game? Short game gives immediate but minimal satisfaction, whereas the long game takes patience, but the payoff can be spectacular. As always, I hope you enjoy!
Satisfaction Guaranteed
The big day had finally arrived for the launch of the new T-247 taxi cab, or simply the T-2 as its creator Jeff Findlay liked to jokingly call it every time the opportunity presented itself; "The T-2, like the movie, get it?" he would exclaim time after time, and each instance he told his little joke, it was met with the same courtesy laugh and eye roll by whomever was listening. The T-2 was the cab of the present, future, and beyond for New York City as it was electric and required no gas, getting five hundred miles to a single charge, required no driver as its internal navigation system was more than efficient enough to maneuver itself through the toughest of traffic, and it also boasted a built-in courtesy companion designed to make delightful chit chat with the customers. It even has automatic vomit bags, needle disposals, and complimentary coffee for those who choose; no need to fret about spillage or messes either, the internal cleaning mechanism and impenetrable seat covers could deal with the most horrific of messes at the drop of a hat. Yes, after three long years of testing and many prototypes later, the T-2 was ready to be unveiled to the masses, and the ceremonial cutting of the ribbon was a mere formality. Afterwards when Jeff was being interviewed and answering all sorts of technical questions on his new creation, one journalist asked him "Mr. Findlay, with the recent death of your wife in a car accident at the hands of a NYC taxi, aren't you afraid of something malfunctioning in a driverless cab?", to which he simply replied with a grin from ear to ear "Satisfaction guaranteed." and he continued taking questions.
After many, many safety runs, the time had come for the T-2's first paying customer. It was a simple five block adventure and upon successful completion most of the media cleared out to chase down more prolific stories, of which there were plenty in a place like NYC. As the CEO of NYC Taxi Co., Jim Bronningham was finishing up his PR duties and he took Jeff aside and whispered to him "Good job today, Jeff, you're going to make me a very rich man indeed!" to which Jeff replied "Absolutely sir, and myself a very satisfied one.". Without thinking, Jim went to the curb and proceeded to hail a cab, which sent Jeff into a fit of laughter; "You're going to hail a cab when you've got the T-2 sitting and waiting at your disposal!?" Jeff exclaimed. "Ha! I suppose you're right! I live thirty blocks away though, so I don't want to tie up our new investment for too long." Jim replied. "Nonsense!" Jeff shouted, "It would be my honour to escort you home, Mr. Bronningham." and it was settled.
As their short jaunt began, the T-2 first offered Jim a complimentary coffee to which he politely refused, and then proceeded to make small talk about the weather and the local crime rate. Jim had to admit that it was pretty cool driving by cyclists, pedestrians, and homeless people from the back of a vehicle with no driver. Just as Jim was settling in, the T-2 asked him "May I ask you a question, sir?" and Jim immediately replied "of course!"; "Ok, thank you" the T-2 replied along with "How would you like to go sir?". "Go?" Jim replied confusedly. "Yes, go, as in would you like me to poison a drink, would you prefer to be strangled with a seatbelt, or would you rather deal with the internal theft system and be shot in the face? All will be relatively painless, I assure you Mr. Bronningham." "Is this some kind of sick joke, Findlay!?" Jim screamed, but there was no reply other than "Choose.". As Jim started screaming and banging at the windows, they suddenly tinted with a black so fierce, that an owl would struggle to see through the darkness. "HELP! HELP! HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN HERE!" Jim screamed, yet was met with the calm demeanor of the T-2 stating "I'm afraid that's sound and bulletproof glass, Mr. Bronningham, so your efforts are for naught. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!? I HAVE MONEY! FINDLAY!?" Silence. And then through the radio Jim heard Jeff's voice say "My wife, I want my wife." "I had nothing to do with that, Jeff! I thought that cab was up to code, I swear!" Jim said in a panic. "I'm sorry!". Silence.
"Have you decided yet, Mr. Bronningham?" the T-2 asked flatly. "Jeff, be reasonable! I'll give you whatever you want! I won't tell! Please, Jeff, PLEASE!" Jim begged, but was met with Jeff's voice on the radio again with "Please choose, Mr. Bronnington, and we can all put this in the past." "I won't choose, I refuse! How about that!" Jim bellowed into the air. "Then we shall choose for you. Strangulation by seatbelt it is, Mr. Bronningham.". As the seatbelt started tightening around Jim's shoulders and across his throat he begged "NO! NO! Please! I'll take getting shot in the face! Please!", and as the gun went off and obliterated Jim's face, the T-2 said "As you wish, Mr. Bronningham. Satisfaction guaranteed".
NB
