Good afternoon, House of Madness smugglers:
How far are you willing to go for money? I'm not talking chump change so you can grab a six pack at the grocery store either, I'm talking enough cash to make a difference in your life, whilst not enough that you're able to buy your own tropical island to retire on for end of days. Would you be willing to steal? What about smuggling? How about...........killing? If the payout pot was substantial, and your life was in a place of desperate need, would you be willing to do all of the above? For very close (VERY CLOSE) friends Ben (Cooper Koch) and Dom (Jose Colon - ironic last name noted), things don't start off as that big a deal, but when you're talking about crime for money, it doesn't take much for things to escalate and certain complicated scenarios to develop.
Ben is leaving for L.A. in order to fulfill his dream of being a pornstar, and as a final sendoff, Ben and Dom are indulging in one last night of clubbing together. What Ben doesn't know is, Dom has a surprise in store for him as a parting gift towards his journey through Lala Land. As the two friends leave the club, Dom informs Ben of a little detour he has planned in order to score some quick cash to help Ben surpass simply treading financial waters upon his arrival in his new city. They arrive at a secluded barn, and are greeted by Alice (Jena Malone), who makes it quite evident they're not there to pick up Girl Guide cookies, and unveils a container full of pre-wrapped narcotics. Ben and Dom are to smuggle them across the border, wait for Alice at a truckstop, and the payday will commence. Easy peasy. But there's one teeny tiny catch: Dom must swallow the goods in order to transport them, as they can't risk getting caught at the border and have their plans thwarted. Yum! Dom never agreed to this, so as the two friends try and bail, they are held at gunpoint, and forced to ingest the goods while Alice watches before they're on their collective ways.
At the truckstop, Dom casually enters the washroom with the planned pooping ease of a senior citizen on 'Taco Tuesday', but is having a little difficulty convincing his bowels to play ball. A redneck shows up, and before things can escalate between him and Ben, Dom intervenes and is promptly punched in the gut, which can be quite problematic when packing foreign substances. Minutes later, Alice shows up to witness Dom's diarrhetic distress, and brings everyone to her boss's (Mark Patton) cabin in order to extract the remaining bulbs, which turn out to be hallucinatory bugs, and not narcotics after all. After more gratuitous cock views than a Foghorn Leghorn convention, it becomes quite evident that someone is going to have to 'go in' in order to get the cargo to 'come out'. Ben is volunteered at gunpoint, and manages to get the job done with the ease and grace of a first time elephant inseminator, and all is well, right? Wrong. All the turmoil and upheaval Dom experienced in his intestinal cavities have rendered him quite dead, never able to smuggle another bug through his butt again. Since Ben only had to ingest one, is his fate destined to be that of his beloved Dom, or can he muster up enough courage and strength to fight back and avenge his lost love? One thing is for sure, I think myself and the frontal nudity gods are even for all those times I stayed up late watching Benny Hill as a kid.
Madness Meter: 5.6/10
NB
