Good evening, House of Madness hitchers:
Everyone has a time, and when yours comes, you'd better be ready! As always, I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!
Thanks For Stoppin'!
For Dwight Redding, it was going to be lonely for the next few days as he dragged himself and everything he could jam in his U-Haul from Seattle down to California. "Goodbye rain, hello sunshine" Dwight said with glee, as he pulled away from the curb while giving his old apartment the middle finger for good measure. Things hadn't worked out as planned in 'The Emerald City' as Dwight had hoped; the company he worked for closed shop and moved out of state on a whim, his girlfriend Laura left him for his best and only friend Owen, and to top everything off, what awaited him in Cali was his old bedroom in his parents's basement. Oh well, Dwight was always a 'glass half full' type of guy, so instead of wallowing in his sorrows, he tried his best to see a return home as a new opportunity, rather than an embarrassing step backwards; after all, lots of 33 year old men move back in with their parents, right?
As the miles passed and the hours followed, Dwight was just about halfway through Oregon when he decided to stop for the night. "Moe's Motel" looked as good a spot as any to stop, and the fact there was an Arby's across the street made it a no brainer - fuck he loved those curly fries. After downing his Arby's and chasing it with a Snickers bar he scored from the front desk, Dwight was just about to throw on a ballgame on the modest 27" TV the room graciously provided (with 14 channels to boot!) when there was a knock at the door. Puzzled, Dwight opened the door to a man of about 50 if he had to warrant a guess, and although Dwight wasn't a gay man, he was quite taken with the stranger's handsomeness and welcoming smile. "Howdy there fella" the man began after removing his cowboy hat, "I couldn't help but notice the Washington plates, the U-Haul, and the direction you're travellin', and I was wonderin' if maybe I could hitch a ride." Taken aback, Dwight said with a hint of regret "I'm sorry sir, I don't pick up strangers………….but if you buy me a beer downstairs at the bar, then I guess we won't be strangers anymore!" The two men howled with laughter, and the stranger stuck out his hand, "Name's Earl Barber, pleased to meetcha" and Dwight embraced his hand immediately in return "Dwight Redding, pleased to meet you too" and the two new friends headed down to the bar.
The next morning, Dwight woke up to a hangover the size of Arkansas and made a break for the toilet. After returning the beers and nachos from the night previous with Earl, Dwight was startled to see that it was already half past nine, and he had intended on being well on his way before then. As he packed his things, he headed down to the front desk to inquire about Earl so they could get on their way, but when he gave the employee Earl's name, he was told there was nobody at the motel by such a name. Strange. Oh well, as much as Dwight had been looking forward to some company for the remainder of his trip, he was already behind schedule and had miles to make up. About an hour down the road, Dwight saw a hitchhiker on the shoulder with his thumb out, and god damned if it wasn't Earl Barber. As Dwight pulled over, Earl jumped in and said "Hot damn, you are real!" and laughed before continuing "I was so drunk, I thought I imagined you!". Dwight laughed, and as he pushed back the passenger seat to give Earl more leg room, Earl said "Thanks for stoppin', I'm going to kill you, thanks for stoppin'!". Dwight hesitated and then almost shouted "What did you just say!?" to which Earl replied "I said thanks for stoppin'!" and Dwight checked himself in the rearview mirror to make sure his mind hadn't completely left his body.
As the two men drove the next ten miles in practical silence, Dwight couldn't get that sentence out of his mind. "I'm going to kill you" the man had said, right? Or had Dwight's hangover been playing tricks on him and made him a delusional mess? Either way, Dwight couldn't wait to get to Cali, and be rid of this potential sociopath currently sharing the same real estate as him. All of the sudden, Dwight heard "You ate breakfast yet? I'm starvin'!" Earl said, and before Dwight could tell him he wasn't hungry, Earl chimed in again with "My treat! I'm going to kill you. My treat!". "SEE!? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Dwight screamed as he slammed on the brakes and pulled onto the shoulder. "I said 'my treat', what's your fuckin' problem, dude?" Earl snapped in response. "THE FUCK WITH YOU!" Dwight screamed, and as he pulled back onto the highway without looking, a tractor trailer hauling 500 tonnes of concrete barreled directly through the center of Dwight's Mazda, obliterating him from head to toe in less than a second. "I told you I'd kill you." Earl said to the wreckage, and disappeared into thin air.
NB
