Good afternoon, House of Madness monsters:
Sometimes a little indie flick is just what the doctor ordered. Nothing wrong with big budget mainstream movies of course, but sometimes the quaint coziness of a project developed and acted by relative unknowns scratches all the itches in all the right places. A modest budget often hinders what could have been a much more exhilarating experience visually, but if the resources at hand are bled to the fullest, a script can be squeezed into a fine delicacy which can be visually swallowed with palatable delight. Does "All Eyes" achieve such a feat without the backing of a blockbuster budget? Not entirely, but there are definitely elements inside that resonate with a sense of comfort food for the brain that you're just not going to be able to order on a fancy horror menu. Ordering caviar at Taco Bell would not only make you look foolish, but is unfair to the establishment because they don't advertise morsels above their social standing, and neither does "All Eyes".
Allen (Jasper Hammer) is a popular podcast host dominating the airwaves by exploiting the beliefs of others while he cashes a paycheck. One of his most successful podcasts covered the story of Mark (Nick Ballard), a man who believed he was being pursued by a shadow figure, and has now agreed to come back on Allen's show to provide an update. To everyone's horrific surprise (Allen included), Mark's update is him claiming he has the shadow figure trapped in his basement, while the audience can hear the cries of an innocent woman coming from the level below. Mark has already called the police on himself, and has a planned standoff with the authorities in which his life is extinguished. After the smoke settles, Allen is swiftly fired, and his previous view on life from the mountaintops has been morphed into a perspective from the gutter.
Some time has elapsed, and Allen is trying to figure out a way to get back on top with the help of his former director Kim (Danielle Evon Ploeger), as they comb through the files in the 'Freak Box' consisting of letters from listeners Allen has used for leads in the past. Kim comes across a letter from a man named Don (Ben Hall) claiming he will pay Allen $25,000 if he helps him kill the monster roaming the woods in his backyard, and promises he will sign the enclosed check for said amount upon Allen's arrival. After some apprehension fueled by suspicion, Allen decides this could be a big enough story to make him relevant again, and agrees to meet Don at the specified location written in the letter.
Upon meeting, there's no need for niceties as Don makes it clear the only reason he reached out to Allen was because his deceased wife was a fan of the show, but Don has no patience for the weaselly parasite that takes advantage of the delusions belonging to the less fortunate. Allen is blindfolded to cache Don's address, and the two set out for the humble abode surrounded by woods that may or may not contain a monster. After settling in, Don shows Allen around the property, and almost in passing informs him that the entire house and its surroundings are rigged with booby-traps ready to disassemble prey at the first sign of trouble. Don seems crazier than a jilted lover on the 'Jerry Springer Show', but as long as the story is interesting, Allen is recording. The two turn in for the night, because the next day is a big day - it's monster hunting time.
Turns out Don's idea of monster hunting is sitting in lawn chairs drinking beer while staring into the forest with the help of some beeping mechanism. After a day of seeing less action than a fisherman without a pole or a boat, the two head inside with the promise of doing it all over again the following day. The next morning indeed does bring the same excitement as the day previous, only this day has something more in store. Much more. As the two are sitting and steadfastly guarding the grass, Don jumps up frantically exclaiming "I gotta shit!" as he runs into the woods to do his business. After some time passes, Allen realizes Don has been gone longer than it takes an old man to shit, and heads into the woods in search of his hopeful claim to regained fame. Some loud noises are heard, and Don comes running out of the woods with a walkie-talkie he grabbed from a man in a hazmat suit, and the two men bolt for Don's farmhouse. A truck pulls up, and after some back and forth discussion, the hazmat team figures Don doesn't know enough to thwart their secret operation, and hastily disappear down the road with a trailer containing something very large.....and very loud. Well, there goes the monster and all of the danger, so Allen asks for a ride back into town considering this seems to be the end of the line. Don agrees, and that seems to be that.
Wait, was that red light always on? Before Don can figure that out, his home security defense system seems to have been activated by mistake, and now his and Allen's real nightmare will begin. With an arsenal consisting of motion activated guns, to random spring lever knives, how can the two men survive Don's own devices whilst lacking the knowledge of whether or not there are more monsters lurking in the woods, just salivating at the opportunity to pounce when they least expect it? Sounds like a low budget recipe for disaster, and that's exactly what I came here for.
"All Eyes" definitely isn't perfect, and it's too bad Jasper Hammer's performance was a little inconsistent at the beginning compared to the end, but all in all I had a lot of fun. Next time I'm just sitting in a lawn chair staring into oblivion, I'm going to pretend I'm hunting monsters - anyone willing to pay me $25,000 to guard their backyard can email me through the 'Contact Us' tab. Thanks in advance.
Catch "All Eyes" FREE on Tubi.
Madness Meter: 5.8/10
NB
