Good evening, House of Madness residents: Good evening, House of Madness residents: Good evening, House of Madness residents: Good evening, House of Madness residents:
Whoa, wasn't that cool? Well, you can't tell me it wasn't original. Wait, you're telling me that wasn't at least a tiny bit impressive? Wouldn't you like to know my reasoning for starting off today's writing with a not-so-unique premise that's not only beaten a dead horse, but has grinded its flesh and bones into an unrecognizable paste that resembles the.....wait, paste!? Horses!? Is that where the rumours started? I actually don't care, I'm just trying my best to entertain you, as "Bring Out the Fear" provides nothing close to entertainment, but spends all of its time being unoriginal while boasting an IQ of Albert Einstein, when in fact it more resembles the sweaty post-game socks of Albert Pujols.
Dan (Tad Morari) has invited his girlfriend Rosie (Ciara Bailey) to go for a hike in the woods. Things have been quite tense between the couple as of late, as Rosie's affair with another man has been discovered and exposed. What's done is done as the saying goes, so in what I'd guess is an effort to lock her down so she doesn't accidentally trip onto other men's penises anymore, Dan has actually brought her up to his hidden rendezvous spot for dipshits in order to propose. Nothing like two recovering alcoholics with trust issues to make your heart melt I always (never) say, but it's all for naught anyways as Rosie denies his proposal faster than a movie producer listening to a "Battlefield Earth 2" pitch. If getting rejected with the ferocity and harshness of Dikembe Mutombo wasn't bad enough, Dan's day is about to get worse, as the two realize they're walking aimlessly in circles, and are caught in some kind of time loop with no hope of escape. As the two wander the woods looking for a way out, I found myself wandering my bedroom looking for the same thing just as unsuccessfully, only to realize that the entire movie is a gigantic metaphor which the film tries to insinuate as being some kind of genius twist, when in fact I've experienced much more satisfying twists in the form of 'purple nurples'.
"Bring Out the Fear" is like that friend that tries to impress everyone at the bar on karaoke night, but instead of stealing the show, it simply steals everyone else's ideas as it screeches in the voice of The Iron Sheik. I hope theres a sequel!
Madness Meter: 3.1/10
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