Good morning, House of Madness occupants:
Awkward. That's the best word I can come up with without sounding like a total dickbag when describing "#Float". I'm not saying that I'm not a dickbag, but I do admittedly try my best not to be perceived as one inside the House of Madness; I may try to instill fear in everyone I encounter, but let's be perfectly honest, nobody wants to be known as a dickbag. OK, now that my conscience is relatively clear, and I'm confident in my lacking of dickbaggery, let me first list the top 10 positives about "#Float":
1.
And there you have it folks, a complete, detailed list of every single redeeming quality the film brings to the table, and I even made sure to list them alphabetically so they're easier for you to compartmentalize psychologically. You're welcome.
Kali (Kate Mayhew) is trying her best to become a social influencer, and is building her technological empire built on likes and subscribers one day at a time. One of her friends should really step up and inform her that if she wants to make the big-time, she'd best try to do so by exuding a personality with a little more flair than a potato, but that's the least of "#Float's" problems. Kali and her friends are heading up to the lake to participate in their annual 'floating around the lake day', and this year is extra special as they're doing it in the honour of their deceased friend Chewy, who tragically passed away in the lake the year previous. As they party it up the night before the big ritual, a heavy knock on the door startles them almost into being better actors, but as they open the door, a seedy character resembling Zach Galifianakis and 1/3 as menacing warns them not to float, as the water will get them. Whatever, weirdo! Let's party!
The next day, the band of beatniks head onto the water for their float, and it doesn't take long for the situation to become dire. One by one, the floating friends start to disappear; some being viciously attacked by an unseen assailant, while others are captured and locked away by Mr. Galifianakis in what he insinuates is him protecting them. We even get a little guitar interlude while one of the teens gives a life lesson on the inception of pinky swearing, while we bask in the acoustic notes from the heavens above, surely strummed by the Pinky Gods themselves.
Kali finally stumbles across Galifianakis, and when she asks about her friends that aren't locked away in his little vacation hideaway, she's told "They're of the water", whatever the fuck that means. As the friend count diminishes, all that's left to solve is the mystery of what's behind all of the aquatic fiendishness, and just who Galifianakis is and how he knows so much. Nope, apparently we the audience aren't going to be privy to such useless knowledge, and will be left with questions containing answers floating off in the distance.......maybe if we're lucky, they'll #sink.
Madness Meter: 2.4/10
NB
